The Talking Doctor
by Ella Afleck
Summary: Voldemort goes to a special doctor to talk about his problems. Much mockage, you know you love it. R&R, please.


The Talking Doctor 

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to it. I'm not the special. 

Subject: Lord Voldemort

In for analysis, serious complaints

Caution: May kill the instructor, handle with care.

Doctor: Now, Mr…

Voldemort: Voldemort. Lord Voldemort.

Doctor: Ah, yes, Lord Voldemort. This is the first time you've come to my office. Is there anything you have on your mind.

Voldemort: Yes, doctor. You see, I've been killing people for some time now and it just isn't working out.

Doctor: Hmm, interesting. How so?

Voldemort: Well, people are starting to complain a lot. It wouldn't bother me usually, but some of their words hurt me deep inside. They called me…a bully.

Doctor: And how did that make you feel?

Voldemort: Angry. So angry that I killed them. Which I guess only proves their point, doesn't it? (starts to cry a little)

Doctor: Are you okay, Lord Voldemort?

Voldemort: At school I didn't like the bully's that made fun of me. I guess I'm becoming just like them.

Doctor: That's not true, Voldemort.

Voldemort: Yes it is!

Doctor: It's not. You know you're much more homicidal and crazy than any of them.

Voldemort: (sniffle) I guess you're right. I have been killing people for a lot longer than they have.

Doctor: Now, about this whole… "killing people" thing, how do you feel when you kill someone?

Voldemort: Well…I haven't done it in some time, actually.

Doctor: That's good.

Voldemort: I have many minions. Well, I call them Death Eaters, sort of a pet name, you see. They help me by killing people for me.

Doctor: Do you like making them kill people for you?

Voldemort: Well…it was all okay at first, but now I'm having second thoughts about the whole thing.

Doctor: How so?

Voldemort: I'm wondering if people are starting to be more afraid of the Death Eaters than of me. And that's just upsetting. I mean, _I'm_ the one that _started_ the Death Eaters! I taught them everything! And sure, people quake in fear of my name, but…do they understand how hard I've worked for global domination? I mean, do then understand that the Death Eaters wouldn't even be here if not for me? Do they understand how much I've had to sacrifice to get my name to be feared across the world? I just feel like they don't understand me, sometimes.

Doctor: Who doesn't understand you, Voldemort?

Voldemort: The world! No one in the world understands me. Except…well…(blushes) maybe Dumbledore knows how I feel.

Doctor: Is Dumbledore a _special_ friend of yours?

Voldemort: (sigh) No. Actually, he's the only one I've ever feared.

Doctor: Maybe you're just afraid of him because he…

Voldemort: I'm only afraid because he's powerful, okay! He could destroy me! That's all there is to it!

Doctor: Okay, Voldemort. I won't push the subject anymore. Now, why don't you tell me a bit about Harry Potter.

Voldemort: (freezes) Harry Potter, you say?

Doctor: Yes. How do you feel about Harry Potter.

Voldemort: Well…it's a bit complicated, really. You see…I killed is family.

Doctor: Was that difficult for you?

Voldemort: No, they died quite quickly. It's just…then…I tried to kill Harry. He was just a baby. Easy, I've killed babies before. But his mother tried to get me not to kill him and…after I killed her…I just couldn't kill Harry! (breaks down into sobs)

Doctor: There, there. It's okay. A lot of us have difficulty bringing ourselves to do such devious acts.

Voldemort: (louder sobs) No! I _couldn't_ kill him! The spell wouldn't let me! It's just not fair! I'm supposed to be able to kill him! Why couldn't I do it? Why?

Doctor: How were you _supposed_ to kill him?

Voldemort: There was…a prophecy made a few years back that said that I either I would kill Harry or he would kill me.

Doctor: Is it possible that Harry Potter is actually supposed to kill you?

Voldemort: Kill me? No. He can't. I'm the most powerful wizard in the world. No one can kill me. They thought I was dead before, didn't then. I showed them. I showed them all. No one tells me when to die.

Doctor: And they specifically said Harry would die in the prophecy?

Voldemort: Well…no. It actually could have been another boy, Neville Longbottom. But I just know it was Harry!

Doctor: I think one thing you need to do is to start looking at all possible solutions to a problem. It could have been that Neville was actually the boy that you were supposed to kill, and that's why you couldn't kill Harry.

Voldemort: (sniffle) That makes sense, I guess.

Doctor: Do you feel better now?

Voldemort: Yes, a little. But I still feel that I'm supposed to kill Harry.

Doctor: And maybe you are. We can't control everything in our lives, Voldemort.

Voldemort: I can. I know a curse for that.

Doctor: Very good. Well, Lord Voldemort, the hour is up. Same time next week.

Voldemort: Yes, thank you, Doctor. I feel ready to go out and kill people again. By myself. Without the Death Eaters all the time. Even to kill Harry Potter _and_ Neville Longbottom. I can kill them both.

Doctor: Very good, Lord Voldemort. It's nice to see your self-confidence improving. 

SESSION ENDED

**A/N:** Tu aime? You like? Maybe not, it's kinda random, but I hope you thought it was funny. Please review so I can feel the love.


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